Archive for the ‘Jesus Is Cool’ Category

Truckloads Of Pebbles

Sunday, January 2nd, 2011

Are we quick to trust God with the big things and still feel like we must keep control over the little things? Can we quantify hope? Are we short-changing God when we say, “ok Big Guy, I trust you to move the mountains, but this little pebble? Nah, I got it,” especially when it’s the truckloads of pebbles that add up to way more weight than we could ever carry?

God tells us that if HE can trust US with the little that He’ll trust us with the big. That makes sense, start us out slow, build up to it. But what we in effect do is flip it around, wave our holy hands in the air praising God and declaring all this great faith and trust in Him…umm, wait? That pebble? Nah…I got it.

But we don’t. And we can’t. Because He didn’t make us that way and that’s certainly not what we signed up for when we first said, “I will trust in you.” God doesn’t want a piece of our faith or a sliver of our trust. He wants it all. Every mountain, every boulder, every pebble.

Name your pebbles. You’ve already started haven’t you? It doesn’t matter if it’s a handful or a truckload. Quit sorting the piles into His and yours and just give it all over to Him.

P.S. I’ve already named 7 pebbles. God has claimed them all.

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Posted in Hopes Dreams And Unicorns, Jesus Is Cool, Rambling And Probably Drooling |

The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

Tuesday, December 14th, 2010

This is just as true today as it was one year ago when I first wrote it…

My Christmas List

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Posted in Dating Games, Finding Soloman, Hopes Dreams And Unicorns, Jesus Is Cool, Rambling And Probably Drooling, Short & Sweet, Single Life |

Day 18 – My Views On Gay Marriage

Thursday, November 4th, 2010

I have never tried to hide the fact that I am a very conservative Evangelical Christian.  I may not seem like your typical bible thumping holy roller, mostly because I don’t see myself like that.  I hope that I am an approachable Christian.  I hope that my faith is visible enough to convey my sincerity about it.  The worst thing anyone could ever say to me would be, “hmpfh…I never knew you were a Christian.”  Because then I have failed to live out my beliefs.

I try not to cause too much controversy, stir too many pots, or beat on very many hornets nests.  Which is why, in part, I’ve been somewhat anxious about voicing my opinion and my beliefs on this day’s “truth.”  I’m a lover not a fighter, I hate conflict and most of the time will go out of my way to avoid an argument.  But I also feel equally passionate about standing up for what I believe in and speaking out in the right forums for the things I am against.

I believe that marriage was created by God.  He created marriage for one man and one woman.  Not two men.  Not two women.  Not two men and one woman.  Certainly not one man and three women who are sisters.

One man.
One woman.

I just believe its wrong.  I believe that allowing same sex marriages to happen destroys God’s plan for marriage.  It tears away at the foundation of what family is meant to be.  Mom.  Dad.  Kids.  God’s plan.  Not man’s.  Yes, I’m divorced.  I make no excuse for that nor do I try and paint some rosy rationalization for it being less of a sin.  It’s not.  Sin is sin.  Homosexuality is a sin.  Divorce is a sin.  Stealing is a sin.  Lying and cheating, sin.  Adultery, sin.  Covetousness, sin.  It’s all wrong.

The judgement of sin – of any sin – is not mine to make.  That duty is God’s and God’s alone.  I’m not here to point fingers or wage a war of hate because of my beliefs.  I know that I have many friends who will strongly disagree with me.  I know that I have many friends who will strongly agree with me.  Our lives are woven together in these friendships and for that I am grateful.

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Posted in 30 Days Of Truth, Jesus Is Cool, MeMe, Writing Prompts |

Day 13 – A Band That Has Gotten Me Through Some Tough Days

Saturday, October 30th, 2010

December 4th, 2008. I’m driving home from the county courthouse.

Single.

The song, “I Will Praise You In This Storm” by Casting Crowns comes on the radio.

I was sure by now, God, that You would have reached down, and wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day…

It will forever be embedded in my mind at that point, on that day, driving in that van, on that road, wearing that sweater with the tiny tear in the sleeve. Embedded.

I barely hear You whisper through the rain, “I’m With you,” and as Your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away.

It was raining that afternoon. I drove with my wipers on at full blast and I had to pull over into a parking lot because it wasn’t just the rain on my windshield blocking my view. It was the tears pouring from my eyes that blinded me.

But through it all, throughout the storm that raged in my life that entire year, my hands were raised, and I praised Him every single day. It was all I knew to do. I knew that God was with me each and every day, each and every step along the way.

I will praise You in this storm, and I will lift my hands, for You are who You are, no matter where I am.

It was the darkest moment of my life. A failure, now twice divorced, sitting in the parking lot of Taco Bell crying.

And every tear I’ve cried, You hold in your hand, You never left my side, and though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm.

Never was I alone. I imagined God swiping His finger along my cheek to wipe those tears away. I was not alone. Not alone. Never alone. Never.

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Posted in 30 Days Of Truth, Jesus Is Cool, MeMe, Single Life, Writing Prompts |

Day 7 – Someone Who Has Made My Life Worth Living For

Sunday, October 24th, 2010

Subtlety has never been my specialty.  I don’t take hints very well, instead preferring definable moments and a smack in the head to get a point across to me.  I don’t like guessing games. Be obvious. Be overly obvious.  Be a huge blinking neon sign to send me a message.  I don’t consider myself obtuse I just want things presented to me clearly so that there is no mistake.

Just five short months ago on May 19th, there was no mistake to be made and God showed me very clearly and very obviously that His grace is sufficient for me.  A single night spent watching my home burn turned into that blinking sign that read, “trust in ME.”  A sleepless night spent begging God for guidance and assurances of his provisions showed me in ways never seen by me before that I live for Him alone first.  Everything else – and I learned clearly that He meant everything – is secondary.

That first night, as wretched as it was, was still a night filled with hope because I knew God would take care of me and my family.  What makes me shudder is what that night would have been like had I not had those assurances.  I remember laying awake all night long crying and praying (and crying some more) wondering what our lives would be like from that moment on.  But I also remember in those prayers giving thanks and talking with God, “I know there is purpose in everything that happens.  I know you will take care of us and you will provide. You’ve brought us through this fire and to this point for a reason – I am yours.”

Figuring out that purpose and that reason?  It’s the trickier part of the equation.  I know there are more pieces to this puzzle that fit together according to His will. I’m searching for those puzzle pieces. Always searching.

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Posted in 30 Days Of Truth, Jesus Is Cool, MeMe, The Fire, Writing Prompts |

Will The Bubble Ever Burst?

Wednesday, October 6th, 2010

I said, “I don’t know what happened. I don’t know why he’s gone.”

She said, “You’re in a bubble. God has you in this protective bubble and he’s pushing away those who aren’t suited for you. He’s keeping you safe until he’s ready to bring the right one to you.”

I said, “In His timing, not my own. But I sure am impatient!“  Then a tear slowly fell.

All I could imagine is being inside this bubble and being able to see all those around me, those that I want to be with, want to interact with, and not ever getting close enough to really get to know. I can put my hand against the inside as they match it with their own from the outside. I can feel them, enough to know that they are there. But then they are gone.

And I’m left in this stupid bubble.

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Posted in Aaaah Crap, Boys Are Stoopid, Dating Games, Finding Soloman, Jesus Is Cool, Short & Sweet, Single Life |

Sounding Like A Broken Record

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

Obviously I’m stubborn and more than a little thick headed.  I’m eager for God to reveal His great plan for my life because lately, I’m just not getting it.  I’m tired, I’m frustrated, I’m lonely, and I’m growing impatient.  Does He want me to get mad?  Does He want me to get fired up?  What am I supposed to be doing?  What am I missing?  There’s a point out there somewhere that’s just not reaching me.

I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels, moving from one day to the next, not making much of a difference with anything that I’m doing.  On Tuesdays, I do the same thing that I do every single Tuesday.  On Wednesdays, I do the same thing that I do every single Wednesday.  I’m stuck in this loop, halfway afraid I’ll never make it off and halfway afraid of what would happen if I jumped.

Don’t tell me life is what happens while you wait.  I’m tired of that line.  I’m tired of all the same reasons, justifications, and excuses.  I’m tired of everything getting me nowhere.   I’m restless and irritated most of the time.  I feel highly productive yet utterly useless all at once.

There’s gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I’m gonna take my chances
Taking a chance I might
Find what I’m looking for
There’s gotta be something more
–Sugarland

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Posted in Being Vague on Purpose, Daily Life, Dating Games, Finding Soloman, Hopes Dreams And Unicorns, Jesus Is Cool, Parenting, Rambling And Probably Drooling, Single Life, Workin' 9 To 5 |

Secret’s Out Of The Bag

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

I hate to dispel a rumor that’s been floating around, but the time has come for me to make a full disclosure.  Sorry if this disappoints anyone, but the truth must be told.

I’m not perfect.

There.  I said it.  I’m not perfect.  In fact, I’m so not perfect that I sometimes think the pendulum should swing all the way through craptacular, past idiot, beyond imbecile, and back around to perfection.  But it doesn’t.

It has landed somewhere between “flake” and “whew, you really did it this time.”

I’m embarrassed.  I’m ashamed.  I know that I’m better than this. Yet, here I am.  Groveling.  Well, kind of.  But definitely apologizing and working overtime at redemption.

I confessed my imperfection to a friend, poured it all out, pointed the blame squarely at myself and then watched tears well up in her eyes.  For a moment I thought, wow. Great. Now that’s one more person I’ve disappointed.

Then she looked at me and said, “satan is just doing all he can to tear you down.  He sees you as a threat.  He sees all the good things that are happening in your life and is going after you in the one place where you’ve been confident.”

And she was right.  I’ve allowed him to come into my life in this one area that affects me in a major way and threatens so much of my core – so much of who I am.  I’ve allowed his influences to infect me with symptoms of apathy, laziness, confusion, indifference, emptiness, and general dontgiveadarn.

I allowed this to happen.  But I need help in fixing this.  Through prayer, through time and through perserverance I will do everything in my power, and through the strength of my Lord to get through this.  I want to be a better person.  I am not perfect.  But I am better than this.

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Posted in Aaaah Crap, Jesus Is Cool, Rambling And Probably Drooling |

My Christmas List

Saturday, December 19th, 2009

treeMy Christmas list was short this year. On it were just a few inexpensive necessities that I seem to go without picking up through out the year because it’s easier to spend those extra dollars each month on something the kids need. My needs can wait. My needs have been something I’m all too quick to ignore or put on the back burner.

What wasn’t written on my Christmas list are the things that can’t be wrapped and placed under a tree decorated with ribbons and bows.

I want someone to stand under the mistletoe with. I want a hand to hold as I walk down this path I’m on. I want a shoulder to lean my head on and a knee to bow next to in prayer. I need eyes to see me for the mother that I am and the woman I strive to be each day. I need arms to hold me when the world seems a little heavy that day. I need a heart filled with the love of Christ to share forever with.

*~*~*

No more lives torn apart,
That wars would never start,
And time would heal all hearts.
And everyone would have a friend,
And right would always win,
And love would never end, oh.
This is my grown-up Christmas list.

-Amy Grant, “Grown-Up Christmas List”

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Posted in Dating Games, Hopes Dreams And Unicorns, Jesus Is Cool, Rambling And Probably Drooling, Single Life, Yes, I Took This Picture |

There Are Real Camels

Wednesday, December 9th, 2009

I’m tired.  We had our final dress rehearsal for the Gainesville Christmas Festival tonight and to put it bluntly, I’m pooped.  Performances start tomorrow night at 6:00 and run nightly thru Sunday with 2 pm matinees on Saturday and Sunday.  If you’re in the area and looking for something to do, please consider joining us.  You can get more info here.

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Posted in Daily Life, Jesus Is Cool |
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