Archive for the ‘Single Life’ Category

More Frogs Than Princes

Thursday, June 24th, 2010

And I didn’t even get kissed.

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I Want My MTV

Tuesday, May 4th, 2010

(Not really. But I giggled when I thought of that as the post’s title. So it stays…)

I was driving home this afternoon and normally my radio dial stays tuned to the same station all the time. It’s all contemporary Christian with hilarious DJs and awesome music. When I get home in the evenings I don’t even try to compete with the kids for the television set. In fact, when they’re gone, the t.v. will remain off for an overwhelming majority of the time.

Why?

My standard answers before were that I liked the uplifting and encouraging music and I REALLY liked the silence from having the t.v. off as much as possible. But back to this afternoon’s drive home. I momentarily was bored from some DJ chatter and decided to flip the dials to a soft rock (don’t hate) station that was playing This Kiss by Faith Hill. Catchy tune I must say, even if it is over played and over commercialized. I made the mistake of trying to actually listen to the words as it played along. What they specifically were, now doesn’t really matter. It was a love song. And I hated it.

I can’t give my standard answers about radio and t.v. anymore. I listen to the music I listen to and avoid the television I hate because I don’t want to face any additional reminders that love is out there. I don’t need salt poured in any still healing wounds that heartache is very real and around every corner. When I listen to Christian radio I only hear love songs of the only one who will never disappoint, never leave, and never hurt me. It’s pain free radio. I don’t watch television because of all the “reality” on there. I have enough reality staring back at me in the bathroom mirror. Would I like some more reality? No thanks.

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Posted in Dating Games, Single Life |

Sounding Like A Broken Record

Monday, February 22nd, 2010

Obviously I’m stubborn and more than a little thick headed.  I’m eager for God to reveal His great plan for my life because lately, I’m just not getting it.  I’m tired, I’m frustrated, I’m lonely, and I’m growing impatient.  Does He want me to get mad?  Does He want me to get fired up?  What am I supposed to be doing?  What am I missing?  There’s a point out there somewhere that’s just not reaching me.

I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels, moving from one day to the next, not making much of a difference with anything that I’m doing.  On Tuesdays, I do the same thing that I do every single Tuesday.  On Wednesdays, I do the same thing that I do every single Wednesday.  I’m stuck in this loop, halfway afraid I’ll never make it off and halfway afraid of what would happen if I jumped.

Don’t tell me life is what happens while you wait.  I’m tired of that line.  I’m tired of all the same reasons, justifications, and excuses.  I’m tired of everything getting me nowhere.   I’m restless and irritated most of the time.  I feel highly productive yet utterly useless all at once.

There’s gotta be something more
Gotta be more than this
I need a little less hard time
I need a little more bliss
I’m gonna take my chances
Taking a chance I might
Find what I’m looking for
There’s gotta be something more
–Sugarland

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I’m Ready

Wednesday, February 17th, 2010

I’m saving a place for you.  If you look hard at this picture of me and the kids, you’ll notice it’s right there next to me.  I can see you there as I lean back into you.  I have a set of keys to my car sitting in the bottom of my jewelry box.  I didn’t realize when I had them made that they would be slid on your key ring one day.  That empty chair at the head of the dinner table?  It’s yours too.  I’ve saved it.

Underneath the bathroom cabinet are two empty baskets and inside the medicine cabinet, one of the shelves is cleared off.  The top of my dresser is usually piled with a stack of folded laundry, but the space is waiting to be reclaimed.

The tool box is all yours.  I’ve never known what to do with that anyway & most of the things in there are still brand new.  I’m sorry I sold the lawn equipment…no lawn anymore!

I’m looking forward to Sunday mornings filled with warm pancakes and mugs filled with steaming coffee as we get ready for church.  I can close my eyes and see you sitting on the second row, waiting for me to come down from the choir loft.  That afternoon nap when lunch is over?  Sure, no problem.

I wish now you’d find me.

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Not Quite Yet

Sunday, February 7th, 2010

You think you’ve figured it out.  You get the right vibe, pick up on the little things and finally feel like you can walk out on that frighteningly small limb.

The limb holds.  At least, for a while it does, before it snaps beneath the weight of your breath that you’ve been holding.  Afraid to exhale.

So you fall back to the earth, bump once or twice on the rocks below, then dust yourself off and contemplate giving it another shot.

Just not anytime soon.

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