“Life must be understood backwards; but… it must be lived forward.”
Soren Kierkegaard

I’m stealing this. Soon to be found on a Facebook status…

Your expectations have been selfish, not your results. Historically, you have spent a lot of time trying to be in charge of what is happening around you. That night in Savannah you stopped trying to tame the situation and let it happen.

A really good, well played definable moment every now and then would go a long way.
But as you discussed in the post those moments don’t always stand out the first time though. If you try and force them (like a perfect NYE), they are likely to die on the vine.

I’m a girl. I like grand gestures. But I want to be more receptive to the whispers. What you said above about the meaningless to me being important to them? That was one of the larger issues with The Doctor. He never noticed and to this day I don’t know whats worse; that he never noticed or the idea that maybe he did, but just didn’t care enough to respond. Any hoo…being physically and emotionally present, with a whisper or a roar – I want this. I ache for this.

In our daily lives, many of us unintentionally trade the whispers from our 7 year-old in a quest for an extra dollar or the blinking sign or something else that seems like “big definable moment.”.

I don’t think we have to trade the whispers away. For me, in part, it’s about my expectations. And a lot of it is driven by results that are quite selfish, “what’s in it for me?” Does that make it right? Probably not. Not at all really. Sometimes it just seems like I give and I give and I give some more. A really good, well played definable moment every now and then would go a long way. Incidentally, it wasn’t just a great NYE, it was the best NYE I’ve ever had. Ever. And you’re right, it was because of the people.

I will make a decision when I have to. If I cannot gather enough support for a risk, I will take the conservative path. I spend very little emotional energy on “if I had…”. I don’t even go back and look at current prices once I have sold a security. It is done and it cannot be undone.

Today we are getting a learns permit. I hope the car survives.

Every minute of everyday we make decisions. Those decisions effect what our next set of options are going to be. The BIG ones are easy to see: If you hadn’t married the DR then the Girl and the Boy wouldn’t exist. Some are much smaller and often go unnoticed: If you’d answered the phone instead of rushing off to get the Boy you’d haveleft two minutes later and been hit by a driver running a red light. Think Its a Wonderful Life. Everything is connected. You are the sum of all your experiences. Change anything and you become a different person.

My reward is watching my girls grow-up. Hopefully, I can raise two good adults who’ll give more to society than they take.

I would venture to guess your yellow paint is Caution. Do you ever imagine you’ve been so cautious about something that you’ve missed the boat entirely?

I have heard people say “don’t sweat the small stuff. If you figure out the big things in life the little things will take care of themselves.” I think those folks have it backwards. Life is all about the details of being there (and accepting what you cannot change). The BIG things happens so infrequently that I don’t plan for them (I can’t plan for them).

“the details of being there…” I like this. The trouble with me is I keep expecting the BIG things to happen – not necessarily frequently or infrequently – just AT ALL. One big (good) thing goes a long way. I had a big bad thing already this year. I’m ready for good.

GAH! It’s the “if only’s” that bog me down too! Those along with the “what if’s” and the “maybe’s” – can we just agree to banish them from our vernacular???

If you leave a comment that in any way shape or form refers to the phrase, “life is what happens while you wait,” I will never ever ever approve another one of your comments again. You know I love you. But don’t.

Love,
Elle Dubya