Tip toe closer to the edge of sacrifice. What am I willing to give up in order to gain? I want “this”, but I have to give up “that”. I’m scared. If I give up, then I lose control. It terrifies me to let go of that control when I am not the only one that will be affected if I fail. Why do I settle for the safety of the minimum? It is what I can control. I have to be willing to step out on faith and make the sacrifice. Until then I have little room to complain about the status quo. I can’t shake my fist at the realities of life if I am unwilling to challenge that reality and change the course of my future.
Where I am at now is not where I intended to be when asked about it six months ago. I want things to be settled yet I haven’t been willing to sacrifice what’s necessary to make that happen. My time – my efforts – my comfort zone. My pride. Ignoring the situation isn’t going to change anything and certainly isn’t going to make it go away. I am guilty of this as much as anyone else.
I wallow. Woe is me and come join me for my pity party.
I complain. Why does it have to be like this? I want it and I want it now!
I hide. I don’t have to participate if you can’t find me.
I act. The smile comes too easily, I am too practiced. If you could only see inside…
I am selfish about some things and I really don’t want to change. For so many years I gave, and I gave and I gave some more. I got nothing in return so I gave even further – in hopes that one day it would be acknowledged and maybe just once, in just a tiny amount, I would get back a morsel.