I met a friend for coffee early one morning recently and as we were catching up with one anothers lives, she peered at me over her cup and softly said, “you have such sad eyes.” “But I’m always smiling!?!” was my reply. “You’re hiding behind that smile, you always do.” I didn’t know what to say, she knows me that well and saw right through me. Sad eyes…
We talked a bit about my divorce and how that’s all moving forward finally. Like so many of my friends, she doesn’t believe in divorce, but she understands my reasons and because she loves me, she supports me. I continue to draw strength from friends like her and others that I know are praying for me. I need all the prayer I can get.
Do I hide? I thought I did a pretty good job of wearing my emotions on my sleeve, but not so, according to her. Apparently I’ve put on such an amazing act these last few years that when I finally started to tell those around me about the end of my marriage, most were completely shocked. I was raised not to air my dirty laundry in public. I didn’t think it was appropriate to go around spouting off to everyone within earshot how miserable I’ve been. Besides…if I did, then I would become accountable for doing something about it! I needed time to figure out a plan for my future and how all these new puzzle pieces would fit together.
My puzzle is still in pieces but the edges are starting to come together. My friend and I talked about priorities and how they define who we are. God, family, home, self, career – my top priorities in the order they *should* be in. But I’m human and I fail. I recognize that life throws us so many curve balls and distractions that we have to be flexible in our reaction as well as pro-action. But the order of importance shouldn’t ever shift. It has to be the cornerstone in my life upon which all else builds from…all other ground is “sinking sand.”