Archive for November, 2009

Searching For Soloman

Monday, November 30th, 2009

It’s been a full year since my divorce was final.  A year since the destruction and chaotic madness went away and peace settled in it’s place.  A year spent rebuilding and reassuring myself that my instincts could be relied on.  A year spent focusing on my faith and my family and a year spent learning how to trust again.

I purposefully made myself unavailable to anyone for anything more than a basic friendship.  It’s just been easier that way.  I’ve needed the time for recovery and restoration.  I’ve enjoyed the time alone for myself and the rediscovery of who I am and what I want from my life.  I’m still scared of putting myself out there in the dating world.  I’m scared to open my heart at the risk of it getting stomped on yet again.  I’m terrified of letting the walls come down.

But in spite of all the fears and reservations within me, there alongside is that desire for love.  I know that God did not create me to be alone.  I don’t just hope to find someone to spend my life with, I expect it.  I expect God to put the right person in my path.

I have to believe that there is a man out there praying tonight for God to put me in his path. I wish I could let him know that I’m praying for him too.

“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.”  Song of Solomon 8:6-7

Random MeMe

Tuesday, November 24th, 2009
  1. Name someone with the same birthday as you.  Sir Isaac Newton.
  2. Where was your first kiss?  Seventh grade, on the school bus going home. His name was Eddie.
  3. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?  Maybe a playful tap but never in anger.
  4. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? When?  I sing in front of a 1000+ congregation at church on a weekly basis.
  5. What’s the first thing you notice about your preferred sex?  Their height. I really like to look up into his eyes.
  6. What really turns you off?  Arrogance. It really encompasses a lot. (Not to be confused with self-confidence, however thin the dividing line may be.)
  7. What is your biggest mistake?  Allowing my then-vulnerable self to be rushed into a marriage that I knew in my heart was all wrong.
  8. Have you ever hurt yourself on purpose?  I think I have let things happen to me that would later become emotionally painful.
  9. Say something totally random about yourself.  I have very full lips.
  10. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?  I have been compared to Hilary Swank on more than one occassion.
  11. Do you still watch kiddie movies or TV shows?  Are you serious? I have 11 & 6 year old children. Kiddie movies & tv shows are ALL we watch. I gave up control of the tv years ago.
  12. Are you comfortable with your height?   I wouldn’t mind having longer legs, but overall I’m quite pleased with all 5’6″ of me.
  13. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you?  It wasn’t ever any one grandiose gesture but the collection of a thousand little things that I always took for granted.
  14. When do you know it’s love?   When it’s too late to stop it from happening.
  15. What’s something that really annoys you?   Having to correct myself after a knee-jerk reaction.  I need to slow down and make better decisions the first time around.
1
Posted in MeMe |

Count Your Blessings

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

It’s easy to dwell and wallow in misfortune. Life doesn’t work out as you’ve planned. You’re in a place where you never imagined yourself to be. Not in a million years. What happened? Why did things turn out so drastically different than you hoped they would?

When upon life’s billows you are tempest tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

There’s too much to be done. Never enough time, never enough resources, never enough rest in between the thousands of check marks on your to-do list. Why must the load be so heavy? Will there ever be someone to share the burden with? Am I doing enough to make a difference or barely enough to get by?

Are you ever burdened with a load of care?
Does the cross seem heavy you are called to bear?
Count your many blessings, every doubt will fly,
And you will keep singing as the days go by.

The have’s versus the have-not’s will always frustrate those who are the not’s. There has to be comfort within satisfaction. It’s a struggle to teach moderation to others while demonstrating it to myself. We can not conform to the demands of this world when we look to the heavens for our standard.

When you look at others with their lands and gold,
Think that Christ has promised you His wealth untold;
Count your many blessings. Wealth can never buy
Your reward in heaven, nor your home on high.

The battle will continue to rage in spite of our efforts. There will always be a new enemy to fight. Will we stand up for what we believe in? Will the silent majority ever stand and shout?

So, amid the conflict whether great or small,
Do not be disheartened, God is over all;
Count your many blessings, angels will attend,
Help and comfort give you to your journey’s end.

I am thankful for the abundant blessings in my life. I teach my children to name them each day and to always give thanks to God for the good things in their lives. Have I been as faithful in naming my own?

Count your blessings, name them one by one,
Count your blessings, see what God hath done!
Count your blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord hath done.

Count Your Blessings, Johnson Oatman, Jr., Chicago, IL 1897

2

It Itches

Tuesday, November 10th, 2009

I’m getting that itch again. You know, the one that can only be scratched by spending obscene amounts of money.  On a house.  Yeah, that itch.  With the extension of the tax credit for first time home buyers, I’ve got the house hunting itchies all over again.  What? I’m not a first time home buyer? Well, technically no.  I have owned a home.  But that whole first-timer classification resets itself if it’s been more than three years since you’ve owned one.  My reset button gets pressed in 2010.

There are so many pros and cons to buying versus finishing out my lease in this little cracker jack apartment.  We’re packed tight in here and with the addition of a new puppy to the family (suprise – we got a dog!), space seems to be at a premium even more so than before.  I am literally dreaming at night of my kids and the dog running free in a fenced in back yard.  I woke up the other morning convinced that I would be able to take more than two steps to the left of my bed without running into the wall.  I drool at the thought of being able to pass someone in my kitchen without us both having to turn sideways to get by.

As much as I want out of this apartment, I’ve got to admit I’m enjoying the lack of yard work that is a year-round chore here in Florida.  Not to mention, a rent payment that’s several hundred dollars less than any mortgage would be.  Staying put till next summer will also give me more time to save for a down payment and closing costs that would annoy me to roll into the mortgage note.  I may be able to time things right late in the spring and tap into that tax credit before it runs out.

Maybe I can still scratch the itch.  By buying a new car. (kidding)

2
Posted in Daily Life |

Lesson Learned

Sunday, November 8th, 2009

lakestudy003I really didn’t know what to expect from this three-day camping trip with 130+ fifth graders.  I knew that we’d have plenty of chaperones, I knew that we’d be staying in indoor cabins (thank you God!), and I knew that we’d be outside 90% of the day.  Beyond that – it was a crap shoot.

The kids were bursting with excitement coming off the buses and scurried around like a bunch of ants as they searched for their sleeping bags and duffels in one of the largest piles of “stuff” I’ve ever seen.  It was interesting to see how prepared, or unprepared as the case may be, for three days away from home.  It was easy to spot those who have camped before: one small sleeping bag, one backpack, that’s it.  It was painfully obvious to see those who hadn’t: rolling suitcase, quilt or comforter stuffed in a garbage bag with a pillow slung across the top.

The girls in our cabin made quick work of setting up their bunks and making sure the beds were made just right.  They giggled and laughed as they explored the cabin and the deck off the back overlooking the lake.  Without any prodding, they began to pick up brooms (brooms!) that were kept in the cabins corner and started sweeping the floors.  The other chaperones and I joked that this type of spontaneous cleaning would never happen at home.

The trip was filled with hiking through the woods, afternoons by the lake and nights by fire making smores.  Each activity was a science lesson in disguise.  I was amazed at what all I learned myself during the week.

But the one thing that I learned wasn’t taught in the hard wood hammock or at the edge of the lake’s aquatic habitat.  I learned that I’ve done a pretty good job of raising my daughter to be an independent, confident, respectful young girl.  All week long I watched other children – boys and girls – stumble and flail around, lost without their parents, barely able to tend to their own basic needs.  I spoke about it with another mom on the trip and we both wanted to pat ourselves on the back for a job well done.

Does The Girl get lippy with me from time to time?  Yes.  Does she show a stubborn side of her that can only be attributed to her mother’s upbringing?  Most definitely yes.  But she made me proud this week at camp.  I got to see a side of her that I’m usually not around to witness.  The way she behaved with her friends and with the other chaperones, the way she took care of herself and her belongings, her personal responsibility as a whole – she was the complete package.

Yeah, I nearly broke my arm patting myself on the back.

2

What Was I Thinking?

Sunday, November 1st, 2009

On Wednesday morning, The Girl leaves out for a three day camping trip with all the 5th graders at her school.  I, like the pure genius that I am, signed up to chaperone.  Shoot me.

As much as I would love to brag about being a pro at camping and all the assorted skills that accompany such a hobby, I can’t.  Because I am not.  It’s not that I’m opposed to the idea of camping.  Or bugs.  It’s just that I am severely deficient in camping experience. 

The first time I ever camped was over 23 years ago.  There was about 20 of us and we had paid guides that led us on a river rafting/kayaking trip where we camped overnight along the banks of the Nolichucky River near Poplar, NC.  Because it was a guided trip, we had very little work to do on our own with the setting up of tents and whatnot.  But still, I had fun.  A ton of fun actually.

The second (and last) time I ever went camping was when I was 20 years old.  A friend from work and I borrowed a tent and a couple of sleeping bags and decided we were going to go camp out at the primitive camp grounds at the beach.  We thought we were brilliant to pack frozen chicken breasts in Italian dressing to thaw and marinate at the same time while we drove out there and set up the tent.  Oh, did I mention it was dark when we got to the camp site?  Or that we had never laid eyes on the borrowed tent before that night?  Comedy in action – that’s what we were as we struggled to get that tent set up by the head lights of our vehicle.  At least the chicken tasted good coming off the grill.

So now we find ourselves, woefully unprepared yet again and about to venture out with 150 5th graders.  My saving grace this time is that we will be in cabins at a well known kids summer camp facility.  The Girl spent a week there this past summer and had a blast.  She’s been looking forward to this 5th grade trip for the past three years.  It’s a rite of passage of sorts. 

Truth be told I’m glad to be going.  Glad to be able to spend this time with The Girl.  Sure, we’ll be surrounded by dozens of other children all week, but it’ll still be quality mother/daughter time.  We’re laying out our sleeping bags and bug spray, blankets and sunscreen too.  It’s Florida after all. 

Hopefully my next entry will be filled with good tales of adventure and fantastic fun.  Wish us luck!

3