It’s been a full year since my divorce was final. A year since the destruction and chaotic madness went away and peace settled in it’s place. A year spent rebuilding and reassuring myself that my instincts could be relied on. A year spent focusing on my faith and my family and a year spent learning how to trust again.
I purposefully made myself unavailable to anyone for anything more than a basic friendship. It’s just been easier that way. I’ve needed the time for recovery and restoration. I’ve enjoyed the time alone for myself and the rediscovery of who I am and what I want from my life. I’m still scared of putting myself out there in the dating world. I’m scared to open my heart at the risk of it getting stomped on yet again. I’m terrified of letting the walls come down.
But in spite of all the fears and reservations within me, there alongside is that desire for love. I know that God did not create me to be alone. I don’t just hope to find someone to spend my life with, I expect it. I expect God to put the right person in my path.
I have to believe that there is a man out there praying tonight for God to put me in his path. I wish I could let him know that I’m praying for him too.
“Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” Song of Solomon 8:6-7