I hate to dispel a rumor that’s been floating around, but the time has come for me to make a full disclosure.  Sorry if this disappoints anyone, but the truth must be told.

I’m not perfect.

There.  I said it.  I’m not perfect.  In fact, I’m so not perfect that I sometimes think the pendulum should swing all the way through craptacular, past idiot, beyond imbecile, and back around to perfection.  But it doesn’t.

It has landed somewhere between “flake” and “whew, you really did it this time.”

I’m embarrassed.  I’m ashamed.  I know that I’m better than this. Yet, here I am.  Groveling.  Well, kind of.  But definitely apologizing and working overtime at redemption.

I confessed my imperfection to a friend, poured it all out, pointed the blame squarely at myself and then watched tears well up in her eyes.  For a moment I thought, wow. Great. Now that’s one more person I’ve disappointed.

Then she looked at me and said, “satan is just doing all he can to tear you down.  He sees you as a threat.  He sees all the good things that are happening in your life and is going after you in the one place where you’ve been confident.”

And she was right.  I’ve allowed him to come into my life in this one area that affects me in a major way and threatens so much of my core – so much of who I am.  I’ve allowed his influences to infect me with symptoms of apathy, laziness, confusion, indifference, emptiness, and general dontgiveadarn.

I allowed this to happen.  But I need help in fixing this.  Through prayer, through time and through perserverance I will do everything in my power, and through the strength of my Lord to get through this.  I want to be a better person.  I am not perfect.  But I am better than this.