Sum Sum Summertime Oh Summer Summertime (and some updates)
July 8th, 2010

I absolutely LOVE Florida.  I absolutely LOVE summertime.  I ridiculously insanely LOVE being in Florida in the summertime.  Bring on the sunshine.  Turn up the heat. Heck – I even love those 30 minute rain showers every afternoon at 3:15 (you think I’m kidding, I’m not!).  I love being so close to the beach that I can pack a brown bag lunch and hang out all day with my toes in the sand.  Simply said, I.Love.Summer.

We’re spending insane amounts of time outside between biking around the new ‘hood, hanging out with good friends for a 4th of July celebration, and running stadiums each week with an ever evolving group of people.  The kids come out there with us and run around not even realizing that all this good fun they’re having is exercise.  It’s awesome.  Every chance we get we’re jumping in the car and driving over to the beach for the day.  I’ve even made a solo trip out there and it was so incredibly nice to lay there in my chair and not have to think about, or worry about, or look out for a single solitary thing/person/issue.

We were blessed recently with the gift of tickets to Disney World by some very dear friends.  Of course there was no way I was passing up on that!  We found a hotel for the night and the best part was I kept it a surprise from the kids until minutes before we hit the highway south.  Needless to say they were super excited.  The weather cooperated (somewhat) and the crowds really weren’t as heavy as we’d expected.  We had the chance to visit with several friends while in Orlando and ate ourselves silly.  Ol’ Walt really knows how to lay out a spread!

The only downer to all this summery deliciousness happened while at a friends 4th of July party.  We’d been at their house all afternoon and evening having a wonderful time hanging out, enjoying great company and great food.  After dark, and after the rain (Florida!), we all went outside in the streets and started shooting off fireworks.  Anyone who knows me knows how much I ADORE fireworks.  But this year it was different. 

I don’t know if it was the noise, the flash, or the smoke, but very quickly I began to feel my pulse quicken and my heart beat faster and faster as if it was traveling up my chest, through my throat, and making grand attempts to leap out of my body.  I broke out in a cold sweat and my hands started to shake.  I was having a panic attack.  I had to go back inside and get away from the noise.  I whispered in my best friend’s ear that I was going in and God bless her, she followed me inside and sat with me on the hallway floor by the bathroom while I cried and got through it.  She knows how to soothe my soul and it’s usually with laughter.  Before too much longer there were as many smiles as there were tears.  I had another friend texting and calling to check up on me once I told him what was going on.  Seriously y’all… I have been blessed with the best friends EVER.

I know that the effects of the fire will be with me in some part forever. I wish that weren’t the case, but I’m dealing with it and understanding it more and more.  I now know that fireworks are a trigger to a less than desireable reaction.  Next time I’ll know what to expect and hopefully this won’t dampen my love of the boom boom pow!

I’m ok.  I’m really ok, actually.  Probably in a better place right now than I’ve been in a very long time.  Ridiculously happy with this life I’ve been blessed with.  Can’t ask for much more than that…

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Posted in Daily Life, Parenting, The Fire |
More Frogs Than Princes
June 24th, 2010

And I didn’t even get kissed.

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Posted in Aaaah Crap, Boys Are Stoopid, Dating Games, Finding Soloman, Short & Sweet, Single Life |
He Said, She Said (kinda)
June 22nd, 2010

“I’m your Prince Charming”

(she thought to her self: But what if I kiss you and you turn into a frog?)

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Posted in Dating Games, Hopes Dreams And Unicorns, Short & Sweet |
Vaguely Specific
June 12th, 2010

I have a right to be irritated when it’s justified and well earned. I don’t have to explain myself to anyone if I don’t want to. And I don’t. I just want to be irritated, let it run it’s course, and move on.

I don’t want to be mis-read or mis-led. I strive for transparency in they things I do and the ways I behave. I expect that from others and am often disappointed when it’s not reciprocated.

I’m probably too demanding. Too uptight. Too analytical. Definately too sensitive.

I’m a woman. Not a game.

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Posted in Being Vague on Purpose, Dating Games, Rambling And Probably Drooling, Short & Sweet |
Merry-Go-Round
June 11th, 2010

Imagine yourself on a playground merry-go-round. Not the fancy amusement park types with horses & sleighs but the average galvanized steel man powered type. The stronger the kid that’s pushing, the faster you all go around. When your the little kid, you sit at the base of a guard rail and wrap your arms and legs around just to keep yourself from being flung off. Your ok. As long as you can hold on, you’re ok. Your view of the playground is this fantastic blur of colors blending together like a water color painting that’s been rained on and has smeared. You can hear the sounds all around you but can’t place them with their makers. There’s no way you’re going to try and do something stupid like stand up or jump off of the merry-go-round as it spins. Hold on. Just hold on. Faster, faster, faster, faster. Hold on, just hold on.

After a while, the stronger kid stops pushing and walks away. The merry-go-round begins to slow down. You are able to start focusing on the faces and voices that before ran together. You try and bring yourself to your feet as the ride slows even further. Your legs are wobbly as you finally dare to jump off. You’re dizzy. You’re balance hasn’t returned and you’re afraid that at any moment you’ll fall and eat some serious pavement.

My merry-go-round has slowed down. I can finally begin to focus on all the things around me that need my attention. But my legs are wobbly and I’m scared to jump.

I am thankful that life is returning to a normal pace and the routines that I once found so normal, dull and boring, are blissfully once again normal. Boring. Dull. I’m ready to be bored. But with this slower pace, I feel like my emotions inside haven’t realized the ride is over and they continue to spin.

I’m not sleeping very well. Part of that has been self-induced. It’s so easy to stay up till midnight or 1:00 a.m. puttering around the house sorting through bags and boxes that are begging for my attention. Bookshelves and bar stools sit in their boxes waiting to be put together. Photo albums are stacked against a wall, at the bottom of a to-do list of things to be cleaned and re-organized.

I’ve tried to make a concerted effort to be in bed by 9:00 with lights out and computer off by 10:00 p.m. Some nights I’m better at this than others. Going to bed earlier isn’t always the issue. It’s staying asleep. Not tossing and turning for a hour when I wake up at 3:00 a.m. because of an unfamiliar sound or because I’m still not comfortable in a bed that’s not my own.

Hold on. Hold on. Just hold on.

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Posted in Being Vague on Purpose, Daily Life |
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